Your Most Crucial Guide for When Confided in About Hair-Pulling
Importance of open conversations about Trichotillomania symptoms
Trichotillomania can be a challenging subject to address. If someone confides in you about having this disorder, it's essential to respond with sensitivity, understanding, and empathy.
Getting it right is easier said than done, so here are some important do’s and don’ts
DO Listen Actively and Show Empathy: A compassionate response could be "Thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me. I'm here to listen. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you, but I'm glad you told me."
DON’T: Make Assumptions: there is a significant amount of outdated or generalised information about hair-pulling out there, which may not resonate with their unique personal experience. Rather than sharing what you have heard or read in the past, ask about their experience with Trichotillomania and how this struggle presents itself to them.
DO Promote Professional Help: At the right time, ask "Have you considered speaking with a medical professional or therapist about it? They might provide some helpful coping strategies."
DON’T Make Them Feel Judged: Perhaps you could say "I'm here to listen and understand. We all have our struggles. I appreciate your courage in talking about yours” or reassure them “your worth isn't determined by this. I don’t see you any differently, I am grateful that you have been open.”
DO Ask About Feelings: This can be an important step towards self acceptance. Ask them "How do you feel about it? What about this do you find most hard to deal with”
DON’T Offer Solutions Immediately: Rather, ask them "How can I best support you or be there for you in this?’ It may be that they want you to accompany them to seek qualified help, or that they simply want you to be aware of their struggles so they are not hiding it. Understand from them what type of support they need in different moments, e.g. you could ask if they would like a gentle reminder if you see them pulling- saying ‘stop’ can feel slightly aggressive and shaming to some, so you could suggest a warmer code word. In my family we have the code word ‘cornetto’ my favourite ice-cream!
DO Reward Openess: Reminding them that many people face challenges and that they have taken a positive step by sharing their experience can be helpful. Encourage them, also, to be open with you in return- ask them ‘Let me know if there are ways I might unintentionally make you uncomfortable.’
DON’T Impose Ultimatums: Never tell them that they ‘have to stop’ or will be punished or impose unsolicited deadlines on them.
DO Stay Connected: Recognising that this can be a long-term struggle with no quick fix (sadly!)- keep the conversation going. "Please keep me updated on how you're doing. I want to be here for you.”
DON’T Make jokes: I have found this happens more often than you would expect. Follow their lead when it comes to tone and try not to minimise the condition by joking about hair-pulling or versions of it. It reinforces the stigma and may create a barrier in them getting the help they need.
Lastly but importantly…
DO Respect Their Confidentiality: "Your trust means a lot to me. I won't share this with anyone unless you want me to."
Creating a positive and supportive space when they share their challenges can inspire them to confide in others in their circle.
Be a model of compassionate communication for them.
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